{"id":4870,"date":"2021-03-04T09:25:01","date_gmt":"2021-03-04T09:25:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=4870"},"modified":"2023-05-11T09:39:54","modified_gmt":"2023-05-11T13:39:54","slug":"reasons-behind-the-rage-how-to-help-when-cancer-patients-lash-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/reasons-behind-the-rage-how-to-help-when-cancer-patients-lash-out\/","title":{"rendered":"Reasons Behind the Rage: How to help when cancer patients lash out","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Arguing about treatment options. Fighting with loved ones. Lashing out at offers of help.  <\/p>\n\n\n

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For every cancer patient fighting through tears and depression, there are others whose experience includes rage and frustration. For four decades, CHN\u2019s trained volunteers have been providing one-on-one peer support to cancer patients and their loved ones, and they\u2019ve seen it all. As they navigate hard conversations with their matches, CHN\u2019s Programs Team is here to help.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Each month, we host a Volunteer Roundtable. Rounds are part of our ongoing Hope Check series and provide an opportunity for ongoing training and discussion.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Earlier this year, our discussion focused on handling controversial topics and finding hope in difficult conversations. The session was led by CHN social worker Maggie Koonz and included a review of best practices and literature.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The volunteers who joined the discussion represented a vast array of experiences and time with CHN. From Donna, who\u2019s \u201cbeen with Cancer Hope since before it was called Cancer Hope Network!\u201d to Terry who was celebrating her one-week anniversary as a volunteer, the group was engaged in sharing their thoughts on difficult conversations.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The discussion centered on three deep-seated emotional reasons behind a patient\u2019s outburst and ways to find what works for each conversation.  <\/p>\n\n\n

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\"request<\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

Fear<\/strong> 
\u201cWhen the topic is treatment, they may not be trying to convince you. They may be trying to convince themselves. It\u2019s ok to say I don\u2019t know,\u201d said lung cancer survivor Sue. \u201cThey may think I\u2019m an idiot, but they won\u2019t start to fight with me or get me into a situation I don\u2019t want to be part of.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhen clients are bringing that topic up, it\u2019s often driven by fear. Sometimes, they need comfort. Sometimes that fear is increased by the unknown. Using their words to change the subject and get them talking about their cancer or chemo can be helpful.\u201d Support Volunteer Donna has had similar experiences. \u201cWhen someone is fighting, it\u2019s often because of their fear.\u201d She works to help people find practical ways forward through their fear.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anger<\/strong> 
For clients who suffered through misdiagnosis or botched treatments, there may be anger. Sometimes, that anger is directed at decisions they\u2019ve made themselves. \u201cI\u2019m still mad at myself that I was a smoker\u201d is common. Support Volunteer Teres, who survived colon cancer, shuts those conversations down. \u201cI encourage my clients to focus their energy on things they can change. Guilt doesn\u2019t do anything.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n

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Loss of Control<\/strong> 
Cancer <\/strong>is a loss of control. Rachelle, a breast cancer survivor, recognizes that lashing out is sometimes a way to search for that lost control. She directs conversations to topics and activities that will acknowledge that fact. \u201cWhat will help them have agency? Sometimes, people aren\u2019t looking for advice.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whatever the challenges our clients are facing, as survivors and caregivers, Support Volunteers have a unique ability to understand. \u201cJust picking up the phone is an incredible act of vulnerability and courage,\u201d said CHN Coordinator and social worker Maggie Koonz.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cIt\u2019s important to be vulnerable,\u201d said Teres. \u201cWhen we as volunteers truly share our circumstances, and how far we\u2019ve come, it gives our patients a feeling of hope.\u201d Greg finds that his lived experience, and his ability to answer the \u201cAre my feelings normal?\u201d questions produce a sense of palpable relief. \u201cBeing vulnerable with a person makes a connection very fast.\u201d  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That vulnerability and connection builds bridges past the fear, anger and loss of control. It allows real communication to take place and hope to take hold. Looking for connection? Want to build a bridge to hope? Click HERE<\/a> or call 877.467.3638 (877-HOPENET) to get matched with a Support Volunteer.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Cancer survivor mentors share tips on managing difficult conversations and creating hope. <\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":23,"featured_media":6796,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[189,22,190,127,52,407,408,437,409],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nReasons Behind the Rage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"For every\u00a0cancer\u00a0patient fighting through tears and depression, there are others whose experience includes rage and frustration.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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