{"id":4693,"date":"2020-11-20T16:41:28","date_gmt":"2020-11-20T16:41:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=4693"},"modified":"2023-05-11T09:47:15","modified_gmt":"2023-05-11T13:47:15","slug":"fifteen-years-cancer-free","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/fifteen-years-cancer-free\/","title":{"rendered":"Fifteen Years Cancer Free","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"\n
Fifteen years cancer free What does it mean to me? It means I am still here doing things Honoring those in the fight that have gained their wings. Fifteen years cancer free It means the world to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My life has been full of little miracles Each day may have its small obstacles And I smile knowing I am thankful for the day And any struggles that might come my way
Thankful for the chance to make mistakes and grow And learn more than I think I know Thankful for the family, friends, doctors, nurses and team Knowledge, love and kindness that make my heart beam.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was given time to be A wife, a mom, a provider, A chance to see What it\u2019s like to hold the hands of patients just like me To share my story of hope each day Things have come full circle or so they say We all learn from each other in our own way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fifteen years cancer free Brings back memories of when they diagnosed me. There is no way to forget The bargaining with god and the universe Hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n
There were times I couldn\u2019t see my inner light I was numb and didn\u2019t have enough to fight It all seems a few lifetimes ago There was so much I didn\u2019t know.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still remember sitting on the bathroom floor The unstoppable nausea where you throw everything up and more My family waited by the door They wanted to help, to take it all away<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I said leave me alone They would stay. I didn\u2019t want them to see my tears I wanted to be strong but I was full of fears I wanted space but needed care They were my voice, my advocates They made sure I kept them near.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still remember waking up to hair all over the bed Trying to figure out what to do with a bald head Wearing a wig when I didn\u2019t want anyone to know Being natural when strength was what I wanted to show Still trying to spend time with friends Pretending I didn\u2019t care Trying to ignore when they would stare.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I still remember the overpowering exhaustion That would come after each round of radiation The silent room with white walls and endless space The cold metal table that was like no other place.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And if you have ever been in the hospital for weeks You know how easily sanity leaks. Stuck in one room day and night I walked the halls holding my IV pole tight Keeping my strength was a fight Especially once I lost my appetite There was this feeling that I was swallowing glass Losing weight and praying the symptoms would pass Having to get IV nutrition That was my hardest admission<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then comes discharge home Excitement mixed with the fear of being alone The longing to recover No more nurses or doctors over to hover But all the strength that it takes to go up one step felt too hard The smells, sounds, triggers that no one discusses leave us scarred Still needing someone to help me Trying my best to just be In the moment, one breath at a time Then one foot in front of the other Then day by day, month by month to a healthy recovery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fifteen years cancer free Sometimes I feel guilty Not knowing why I am so lucky. When this experience becomes part of your story You are humbled by an unwanted glory Earning the title survivor Not certain you are a believer It\u2019s easy to get discouraged When your story is challenged Thinking of the what if\u2019s brings back fear So many unknowns in this life we hold dear It’s hard to have hope in times like these Keep persevering to be free of disease.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When you feel you might not survive Don\u2019t give up hope because Fifteen years later you might thrive.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So whether you are in the start of your fight Or still struggling to find your light Remember that tomorrow is another day We cannot always see the gifts that will come our way Every struggle, every problem, every mistake, Every miracle, every chance to live and learn, every day awake Has led to a blessed future I would have never dreamt Fifteen years ago when I wasn\u2019t sure what hope really meant This is why fifteen years cancer free means the world to me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
15 year Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivor expresses the many emotions of survivorship through poetry. <\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":16,"featured_media":8580,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[423,40,424,37,98],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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