{"id":3708,"date":"2019-09-03T18:07:25","date_gmt":"2019-09-03T18:07:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=3708"},"modified":"2023-11-10T16:05:45","modified_gmt":"2023-11-10T21:05:45","slug":"surviving-on-hope-letting-go-of-uncertainty","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/surviving-on-hope-letting-go-of-uncertainty\/","title":{"rendered":"Surviving On Hope: Letting go of uncertainty","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"

Welcome to SURVIVING ON HOPE our monthly column from Support Volunteer Debbie Woodbury. Debbie blogs honestly about the emotional realities of life with cancer \u2013 loneliness, grief, anger, uncertainty \u2013 and the strategies that make surviving on hope possible \u2013 gratitude, support, humor, and joining with other survivors at her\u00a0 blog\u00a0WhereWeGoNow<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

In addition to her service as a CHN Support Volunteer, Debbie Woodbury is a patient educator with Pathways Women\u2019s Cancer Teaching Project and a member of the Carol G. Simon Cancer Center Oncology Community Advisory Board at Overlook Medical Center. Debbie is a ten-year breast cancer survivor, a speaker, and the author of two books,\u00a0You Can Thrive After Treatment<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0How to Build an Amazing Life After Treatment<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.\u00a0 Pliny the Elder<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

The first casualty of cancer is certainty.<\/p>\n

Of course, I\u2019m only speaking for myself. And, as someone who had gone through five years of miscarriages and infertility before cancer, I should have already known that life doesn\u2019t always go the way you expect.
\n\"match<\/a>Still, I walked into the breast center 15 years later without a doubt I knew the drill: remove everything above the waist, put on a robe, let the technician flatten a breast between panes of glass, hold my breath, repeat, get dressed, leave and, a few days later, open the letter confirming all was well.
\nI made it to the leaving part, but the letter never came. Instead, a nurse from my gynecologist\u2019s office called to tell me that my mammogram was \u201csuspicious.\u201d<\/p>\n

At that exact point, I was no longer certain of anything and fell into cancer\u2019s black hole.
\nOver the next four and a half months of appointments, tests, biopsies, phone calls, internet searches, and crying jags, I was desperate to find firm footing. At first, I clung to every word uttered by my medical team, believing that everything they told me was guaranteed.<\/p>\n

But time after time my expectations proved false and I was forced to adapt to the unexpected. The \u201csuspicious\u201d mammogram that was probably nothing, turned into cancer. The lumpectomy and radiation I would probably need turned into a mastectomy. The phone call I was promised with the results of my biopsy didn\u2019t come. The diagnosis of stage 0 breast cancer felt certain, until debate raged as to whether it was truly cancer or not.<\/p>\n

It got to the point that I told myself I had no right to any expectations at all.
\nIt\u2019s hard to let go of certainty. It was especially hard once treatment finished and I expected to be\u00a0\u201cover\u201d cancer.<\/a>\u00a0As I worked on letting go of that expectation, I had to ask myself\u00a0\u201cwhat is normal after cancer, anyway?\u201d<\/a>\u00a0 I had no easy answer, but realized the only certainty I could count on was to expect the unexpected and find the support I needed to work through the unknown.
\n\"garden<\/a>Intellectually, I know anything can happen (or not, as was made painfully clear by the five years it took us to make a baby.) Despite the hard lessons I\u2019ve learned from miscarriages, infertility and cancer, I still make plans and have expectations. I\u2019m just not as surprised when things don\u2019t go as planned.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t say I\u2019ve completely embraced uncertainty, but I have become a bit more mindful of accepting the present as it is. In truth, I\u2019m just not shocked anymore when the unexpected happens because I\u2019ve learned that the only certainty is that nothing is certain.<\/p>\n

Has cancer made you more aware of uncertainty and the risk of having expectations?
\nLet\u2019s talk about it.<\/p>\n

Survival > Existence,
\nDebbie
\n\"eHOPE<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Finding a way through when cancer upends everything.<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":16,"featured_media":8630,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[107,314,315,345],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nSurviving On Hope: Letting go of uncertainty - Cancer Hope Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Welcome to SURVIVING ON HOPE our monthly column from Support Volunteer Debbie Woodbury. 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