{"id":3586,"date":"2019-05-16T18:28:42","date_gmt":"2019-05-16T18:28:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=3586"},"modified":"2023-11-13T10:48:51","modified_gmt":"2023-11-13T15:48:51","slug":"can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/","title":{"rendered":"Can we choose happiness even in cancer?","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"

Grand-dog Chloe and I are glamping in an elegant Airstream in a land of sunny skies and craggy mountain ranges and saguaro cacti. Tucson. I\u2019m grand-dog sitting while my son and daughter-in-law are traveling internationally.
\nStenciled on the vintage trailer next door is this thought: \u201cToday, I will be happier than a bird with a French fry.\u201d
\nWhich begs the question:\u00a0Can we choose to be happy?<\/em>
\n\u00a0<\/em>When my husband, Gary, was diagnosed with late-stage prostate cancer, the experts said, \u201cTwo years.\u201d Because he was relatively young, and in good shape. Because prostate cancer is slow-growing. Gary defiantly, stubbornly, tenaciously lived ten courageous, far-reaching years. And I suspect a good deal of it had to do with making positive choices.
\n\"match<\/a>There are a variety of opinions and conflicting reports about whether happiness is a choice. My intent isn\u2019t to prove one opinion or another, but to share what Gary and I experienced in those years when happiness and peace wouldn\u2019t have normally been hanging out with us.
\nHere are 11 intuitive methods Gary and I did to choose happiness over the blues and sadness and anxiety that cropped up during those ten cancer years:
\nDance, hike, swim, kayak \u2013 in a word:\u00a0move
\n<\/em><\/strong>In our middle years, Gary and I took on more outdoor physical activity. If you caught us hiking to the top of tall mountains, or slushing through powder in snow-shoes, or stroking our oars in sync on a mountain lake, you would have noticed our giddy ear-to-ear grins.\u00a0\u00a0<\/strong>
\nGet outdoors, and keep getting outdoors
\n<\/strong>The simple pleasure of being outdoors went a long way in creating joy for us. And when you throw in some movement with the outdoor-ness \u2026 well, then, double happiness.
\nShow random and not-so-random kindness
\n<\/strong>On a twelve-hour trip to Arizona from Oregon\u2014one of those series of flights where I flew north to get south, with boots on the ground in four different states\u2014I intentionally looked for random ways to show kindness. And glee overflowed on what would have otherwise been a long and arduous day.
\n Look for things to be grateful for, even in the hard
\n<\/strong>Inspired by Ann Voskamp\u2019s book,\u00a0One Thousand Gifts,<\/em>\u00a0I\u2019m on my second journal of counting one thousand things I\u2019m grateful for.\u00a0I started the first list during Gary\u2019s cancer years. You might be surprised at how counting what remains\u2014instead of counting what was lost\u2014made a huge difference on the happiness meter.
\n\"eHOPE\u00a0<\/strong>Be aware of our mindset
\n<\/strong>Setting our thoughts in an optimistic direction embraces courage over fear. And hope over despair. It holds onto peace as we intentionally boot out anxiety and worry. It chooses good humor instead of taking ourselves too seriously.
\nI suspect that all these things feed each other: gratitude brings contentment that fuels a positive way of seeing things, that helps us battle anxiety, that ushers in joy and happiness.
\n\u00a0<\/strong>Practice good (selfless) self-care
\n<\/strong>There\u2019s the debate that self-care is selfish. But self-care isn\u2019t seeing to our needs and comfort first. It\u2019s seeing to our responsibilities, and then taking time to care for ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in order to have a full vessel from which to serve.
\nI\u2019m happiest when I\u2019m rested, when I\u2019m eating healthfully and walking some distance daily, when I take time each morning to sit still and nurture my spirit.
\n\"donate<\/a>\u00a0<\/strong>Consider how to give back
\n<\/strong>Brainstorm about ways to be in service based on our life experiences, especially the hard ones. I know an amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) widow who is passionate about awareness and research for this degenerative disease; a friend who struggled with painful infertility issues who now mentors young women; a brain cancer survivor who stages cycling events to support local cancer services.
\nBeautiful redemption stories \u2014 how God brings good from our pain and fills our hearts with joy through the giving back.
\n\u00a0<\/strong>Listen to our favorite tunes
\n<\/strong>Music has the power to affect our frame of mind. Which is why calming music is played in elevators, and upbeat music is played in stores, and inspiring\/fighting music is played at sporting events.
\nPut on soaring music and see if your spirit doesn\u2019t soar.
\n\u00a0<\/strong>Keep a journal for a brief period of time
\n<\/strong>There\u2019s science to back up the benefit of capturing our concerns and fears and hopes and joys on paper. Even if you don\u2019t enjoy writing, try journaling for a set period of time.
\n(I\u2019m pretty sure I saved Gary thousands of dollars in psychotherapy costs through the years by keeping a journal.)
\n\u00a0<\/strong>Try our hand at something creative
\n<\/strong>I can\u2019t describe how happy it makes me to knit soft fuzzy things for all the beautiful women in my life.\u00a0Water color painting, photography, cooking, pottery, designing landscapes, wood-working, repurposing old junk into cool new stuff. It doesn\u2019t matter what we do; it matters that we get out our creative side and make some happiness.
\n\u00a0<\/strong>Hang with incredible people
\n<\/strong>I\u2019m in Tucson this week, where I connected with a couple friends:\u00a0Randy, who is in a wheelchair as multiple sclerosis (MS) continues its relentless march.
\nAnd astrophysics grad student,\u00a0Charity, who lost her husband, Jayson, and son, Woody, when a sneaker wave swept them out to sea.
\nCharity and I had scrumptious tacos in a courtyard surrounded by old stucco buildings and cast-iron gates, with stone walkways and trees strung with lights. Live music played while we talked about a number of things, including what she needs to do to become an astronaut. She said the odds are against her \u2014 not simply because 12 in 18,000 applicants are chosen every four years when a new class begins, but also because she doesn\u2019t have a background in the military, and particularly flying planes.
\nBut she\u2019s made a list of goals that would enhance her chances of being one of the chosen few: learning fluent Russian, getting her pilot\u2019s license, deep-sea diving, and wilderness survival. And she\u2019ll eventually meet with her advisor for her input on the feasibility of pursuing this large and improbable goal. If anyone can do it, it would be Charity.
\nRandy and Charity inspire me with their grit and audacity in the face of incomprehensible loss. Which leaves us with a couple questions to ponder:
\n1) How do we feel after hanging out with people who whine, who can\u2019t see the positive in anything, who gossip viciously, or make fun of others?
\n2) How do we feel after being around people who awe and inspire and make us realize we\u2019re not dreaming big enough (Charity does this for me); people who challenge us, hold us accountable, who speak hope into our lives, and believe in the beauty of our dreams? (Come to think of it, I have a lot of friends and family like this in my life.)
\nDoes the crowd we hang out with affect our happiness?
\nI\u2019m thinking, Yes.<\/em>
\nAnd there you have it, eleven ways Gary and I practiced choosing happiness during the bleak cancer years. In that hard and holy season\u2014when we shouldn\u2019t have experienced peace or happiness or contentment\u2014peace, happiness, and contentment mostly surrounded us.
\nHere\u2019s hoping that today you\u2019ll be happier than a bird with a French fry!
\nMarlys Johnson is a cancer widow, author, speaker & blogger. We first met her through her work coordinating St. Charles Medical Center\u2019s Survivorship Program and her beloved husband, Gary \u2013 a CHN Support Volunteer for many years. Her passion for helping others navigate life\u2019s challenges inspires us every day and we are delighted to share her insights.<\/em>
\nTo read more of Marlys\u2019 work \u2013 and discover her love of all things outdoors \u2013 visit her blog\u00a0Renew | Repurpose<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Grand-dog Chloe and I are glamping in an elegant Airstream in a land of sunny skies and craggy mountain ranges and saguaro cacti. Tucson. I\u2019m grand-dog sitting while my son and daughter-in-law are traveling internationally. Stenciled on the vintage trailer next door is this thought: \u201cToday, I will be happier than a bird with a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":16,"featured_media":8640,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[31],"tags":[247,310,311,312],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nCan we choose happiness even in cancer? - Cancer Hope Network<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Which begs the question:\u00a0Can we choose to be happy?\u00a0When my husband, Gary, was diagnosed with late-stage prostate cancer, the experts said, \u201cTwo years.\u201d\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Can we choose happiness even in cancer?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Which begs the question:\u00a0Can we choose to be happy?\u00a0When my husband, Gary, was diagnosed with late-stage prostate cancer, the experts said, \u201cTwo years.\u201d\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Cancer Hope Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/CancerHopeNet\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-05-16T18:28:42+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-11-13T15:48:51+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/Can-we-choose-happiness-even.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"800\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Guest Poster\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@CancerHopeNet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@CancerHopeNet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Guest Poster\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Guest Poster\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/#\/schema\/person\/1ddd25f944c56e2fe56e3ac7031a94b9\"},\"headline\":\"Can we choose happiness even in cancer?\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-05-16T18:28:42+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-11-13T15:48:51+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/\"},\"wordCount\":1309,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"attitude\",\"creativity\",\"glamping\",\"happiness\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Tips & Guides\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/can-we-choose-happiness-even-in-cancer\/\",\"name\":\"Can we choose happiness even in cancer? 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