{"id":3313,"date":"2018-10-18T16:52:27","date_gmt":"2018-10-18T16:52:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=3313"},"modified":"2023-11-13T14:31:53","modified_gmt":"2023-11-13T19:31:53","slug":"wedding-cancer-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/wedding-cancer-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"Wedding. Cancer. Divorce.","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"

Ask any cancer survivor and there\u2019s a good chance they can name the friend (or friends!) who bailed after diagnosis. A quick search for \u201closing friends after cancer\u201d returns 192 million results, with titles like \u201cWhen My Cancer Returned, My Friends Disappeared.\u201d Google \u201cabandoned during cancer\u201d and you\u2019ll find more than 50 million results, with grim titles like \u201cCancer\u2019s dirty secret: people turn their backs on you\u201d or \u201cDealing with cancer and disappearing friends.\u201d Even on our hope-filled pages<\/a>, volunteers mention the loss of friends<\/a>.<\/p>\n

For cervical cancer survivor Kelly, cancer\u2019s loss was especially painful. Diagnosed soon after her wedding, Kelly\u2019s then-husband \u201cfreaked, but not to me.\u201d A month later, he admitted to her what he\u2019d told his friends. \u201cI can\u2019t handle this.\u201d Six months into their marriage, he wanted a divorce.<\/p>\n

Request a free and confidential peer match from a cancer survivor or caregiver<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

“The divorce rather than the cancer became my \u2018OMG\u2019 thing. I was forced to rely on my friends and family,\u201d she recalled recently. \u201cMy focus became the divorce rather than the cancer. My mom and dad chauffeured me around for treatments and appointments. My ex took everything when he left \u2013 he left me with $100. So friends stepped in, even helping with money.\u201d<\/p>\n

As painful as the experience was, she looks back today with a mixture of gratitude and thoughtfulness.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to find something or somebody that can be your \u2018one good thing,\u201d she instructs. \u201cFor me, it was finding out who was there for me, how my friends and family cared and were there. Back then, I was freaking out. Now, I think of it as getting one cancer to get rid of the other cancer in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Kelly was given a clean bill of health post-treatment and focused on the friends and family who\u2019d been by her side. She focused on discovering who she was and who she wanted to be.<\/p>\n

In 2007, her father, who\u2019d been such a rock for her during treatment, was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. \u201cThey told him he had three weeks to live,\u201d she recalls. \u201cHe survived three and a half years. Hospice came to him four times. I didn\u2019t feel like I \u2018had cancer\u2019 compared to him, but my experience made me more empathetic and understanding.\u201d<\/p>\n

Today, she channels that empathy into conversations with her matches, helping them to navigate the confusion, pain and even loneliness of treatment. \u201cEven in the deepest, darkest times, there\u2019s something you can focus on to get through it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Become a cancer survivor or caregiver mentor volunteer.<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n

\"eHOPE<\/p>\n

Life as an early-stage survivor<\/strong><\/p>\n

For those lucky enough to be diagnosed early or who compare themselves to patients who \u201creally\u201d have cancer, her guidance is profoundly simple and full of reassuring compassion. \u201cYour cancer, your story is still yours to own. No matter what level, it\u2019s still you. You still have cancer. Yes, you may be fortunate or feel fortunate, but you have to go through the uncertainty of treatment, the fear of recurrence.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

She\u2019s found love with Drew. He\u2019s a humorous, quirky bowler (like her father!) that she met nearly one year to the day after her father death. \u201cThe main way my family gets through tragedy and difficulty is finding laughter,\u201d Kelly shared. \u201cThe doctor said that one of the reasons that my dad was with us so long was all the laughter. He\u2019d see us cry, but also laugh. I lucked out to have a family that gets along. Drew is a perfect fit into that mix.\u201d<\/p>\n

Helping others – becoming an advocate<\/strong><\/p>\n

Kelly has become a champion of her own health and encourages others to follow her lead. \u201cIf someone tells you something you don\u2019t know, ask them what it means. (DON\u2019T GOOGLE!) If you still don\u2019t understand, ask a nurse or someone you can rely on for trusted information.\u201d
\n\"eHOPE
\n\u201cWhen my dad was sick, they were throwing terms out left and right. I was writing things down and taking the notes to my aunt, who is a nurse. If you don\u2019t know what something means, someone needs to be the advocate. Someone needs to be brave enough to say \u2018dumb it down for me\u2019 until everyone understands.
\nTo connect with Kelly, or another survivor volunteer who understands, call 877-HOPENET or visit cancerhopenetwork.org\/support.<\/a>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ask any cancer survivor and there\u2019s a good chance they can name the friend (or friends!) who bailed after diagnosis. A quick search for \u201closing friends after cancer\u201d returns 192 million results, with titles like \u201cWhen My Cancer Returned, My Friends Disappeared.\u201d Google \u201cabandoned during cancer\u201d and you\u2019ll find more than 50 million results, with […]<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":23,"featured_media":8652,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[167,269,207,270,271,125],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWedding. Cancer. 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