{"id":3165,"date":"2018-07-02T12:07:10","date_gmt":"2018-07-02T12:07:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=3165"},"modified":"2023-11-16T11:34:18","modified_gmt":"2023-11-16T16:34:18","slug":"my-dad-got-sick-money-vs-memories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/my-dad-got-sick-money-vs-memories\/","title":{"rendered":"My Dad Got Sick: Money vs. Memories","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"

Guest post by Jay Perry<\/em>
\nIn early 2013, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and given nine months to live. He would end up tripling his odds and after a two\u00a0and a half year battle, he would call it a day and left the world. It was at the time of his diagnosis when I made the quick decision to become his\u00a0caregiver. At 32 years old, the decision was easy, but it would lead me down a hard and frustrating, but at times very beautiful adventure.
\n\"match<\/a>
\nAfter his death, I was filled with knowledge and experience that I wanted to pass onto other caregivers so they didn\u2019t have to venture into this\u00a0alone and unprepared. I thought the best way to get this information out in the public was in the form of a book. Three years after his passing, I\u00a0released the book,\u00a0My Dad Got Sick:\u00a0Love\u00a0& Insights From A Caregiver\u2019s Unexpected Journey Through Cancer<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Today I would love to share an excerpt from my book. It is from the chapter titled\u00a0Money vs. Memories<\/em>.\u00a0During my dad\u2019s journey, I would share\u00a0my story via social media and this is a post I made in March of 2015 while caregiving for my dad and also my grandfather at the time.
\n\"jay<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIt feels like I\u2019ve been living in healthcare facilities over the last few months. I come home in the evenings just to sleep, and alas, my 6am alarm goes off, and I\u2019m off again. Eating poorly, always exhausted, and spending what money I have left, on gas, coffees and whatever I need to make the people that mean the most to me, more comfortable.<\/em><\/p>\n

Two years ago, I made the easy decision to basically become a full time caregiver for my family. This morning was spent with my dad, and this afternoon was spent at a different location with my grandfather. I\u2019m broke\u2026. I\u2019m tired\u2026. I have no life\u2026.. and I wouldn\u2019t have it any other way.<\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t worked much in the last year or so. Haven\u2019t been able to take jobs I know would require a few days, nor have I been able to seek out new work. The opportunities are out there, but I prefer to spend time with my family.<\/p>\n

I write this post, not looking for any sort of pat on the back, but to hopefully motivate those who might be questioning what to do about their situation, as well as provide reassurance to those who are doing the same as I, that they are doing the right thing.<\/p>\n

I sat at my dad\u2019s bedside for about six hours this morning. He was probably sleeping for about five of them. Every so often, waking up to ask me to get him a drink of water, or to fix his sheets. I sat there wondering about the incredible or high paying jobs I was missing out on, but I also knew that there will always be time to make money, always be opportunities out there, but the days where I can get my dad a drink, or fix his sheets will soon come to an end. There\u2019s no amount of money that will replace these moments I have with him. Even though he\u2019s sleeping, I know he realizes I\u2019m by his side, and he\u2019s not alone.<\/p>\n

This brings me to now, where I spend my afternoons with my grandfather. Today he turns 89! Every year I bring him a balloon, birthday card,\u00a0scratch tickets and a 6-pack of Labatt 50, although this year I had to bring him a 6-pack of his favorite donuts instead. Coming straight from\u00a0seeing my dad, I am tired, hungry, and wound up what change I could find in my pocket to buy a chocolate bar for lunch. I read on Facebook\u00a0about all the amazing and expensive things people are buying. The new, over-sized houses they are buying and the cars that the banks will take\u00a0from them in four years. I look down at my chocolate lunch and realize how lucky I actually am. I might not have a ton of \u2018assets\u2019, but I got to\u00a0celebrate my grandfather\u2019s 89th birthday with him today. The smile on his face as I walked in holding his balloon and gift, is what makes my\u00a0decision to give up my life for them, worth it.
\n\"jay
\nWhen I look back on all of this, I will never have one day of regret. I urge all of you to take a look at this \u201cbusy\u201d life we all strive for and to take a look at what your end goal is. If it\u2019s money related, I promise you that you\u2019ll one day end up miserable.<\/p>\n

Making money is way easier than making memories. You can always make money, but you might not always be able to make memories. I\u00a0challenge you to cut back on your work this weekend, and spend it with your family and friends. Make someone dinner. Play video games with\u00a0your kids. Go see your parents. Money doesn\u2019t care about us, so why do we care about it more than our families?
\nIf family isn\u2019t on the top of your list, then happiness is definitely on your bottom.\u201d<\/p>\n

If you would like to learn more about my book, you can head to www.mydadgotsick.com. Taken from the book, here is a brief description about\u00a0it:<\/p>\n

This book is an outline of my experiences while taking care of my dad, both physically and mentally, during his battle with cancer. It is a tool designed to help those in similar positions navigate coping, self-awareness, empathy, compassion, self-care, support, education, commitment, grief, love and embracing the day-to-day reality of caregiving.<\/p>\n

Although very cancer-specific, these words can provide encouragement to all those questioning whether or not to take on the role of caregiver. I did my best to write the book I was looking for when my journey began in early 2013. I don\u2019t have any \u2018top 10\u2019 pieces of advice to offer, and any advice I do give is solely based off what was found to work successfully for my dad. I\u2019m not a doctor, and I don\u2019t have any professional medical training whatsoever. At the time this story began I was just a son doing everything possible for my best friend \u2013 I educated myself on the run.<\/p>\n

Thank you for reading and best of luck on your journey if you are a caregiver.
\nJay Perry<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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It was at the time of his […]<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":16,"featured_media":8720,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78,31],"tags":[239,240,101,229],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMy Dad Got Sick: Money vs. Memories<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/my-dad-got-sick-money-vs-memories\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Dad Got Sick: Money vs. Memories\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Guest post by Jay Perry In early 2013, my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and given nine months to live. 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