{"id":2963,"date":"2018-02-06T18:36:41","date_gmt":"2018-02-06T18:36:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=2963"},"modified":"2023-11-16T11:35:30","modified_gmt":"2023-11-16T16:35:30","slug":"a-different-kind-of-love-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/a-different-kind-of-love-story\/","title":{"rendered":"A different kind of love story","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"

Friends since they were 16 years old, Vera was Rodney\u2019s childhood sweetheart. \u201cIt was a match made in heaven, an alignment of the stars.\u201d Although they broke up and went their separate ways as young adults, fate brought them back together a few years later. \u201cWe saw each other at her sister\u2019s wedding. I think I was still in love with her and the rest is history.\u201d<\/p>\n

Both loved to travel and they began accepting assignments around the world. Two daughters (one born in India and the next in Thailand) soon joined the globe-trotting family.<\/p>\n

Request a free and confidential peer match.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019d lived in seven different countries before Vera was diagnosed,\u201d Rodney recalls. \u201cWith friends and family spread across Africa, Asia, Singapore and the US, we found it helpful and rewarding to share her experience online and via social media. We got a lot positive feedback and it was very uplifting.\u201d<\/p>\n

Like many lung cancer patients, Vera\u2019s symptoms were easily missed. A healthy non-smoker, when she first went to her doctor, he diagnosed allergies and suggested an over the counter remedy. Sadly, her late diagnosis meant that the cancer had metastasized to her brain.<\/p>\n

\"Team_Victory_for_Vera\"
Team Victory for Vera Photo: Rodney Barretto<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cWe were fortunate to live in Houston at the time. They have one of the best cancer hospitals in the world and we were able to go into several clinical trials and a course of immunotherapy. The expert care and wonderful support system around us allowed Vera to live the last three years of her life to the fullest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Accepting help<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cNothing prepares you for these kinds of situations. You think you are strong and you can do it for yourself. But you need a lot of help. Use the support around you.\u201d Rodney encourages caregivers to cut themselves a little slack. \u201cThere\u2019s no dress rehearsal. You will make mistakes. You have to learn very quickly from those and move forward.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe were very blessed to have wonderful hospitals and doctors and friends. But cancer is very complicated. It\u2019s not the same for everyone and people struggle with what to do. And if it\u2019s very aggressive, you have even less time to figure out what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Connect with a cancer caregiver support mentor<\/a><\/h4>\n

Giving help<\/strong><\/p>\n

He sees it as his mission to provide the practical information that caregivers need. \u201cI can tell them things that even a doctor won\u2019t tell them. I can tell them that I went through this with my wife and I truly understand what they\u2019re going through.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"Rodney,
Photo: Rodney Barretto<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

He knows the ups and downs of life as a caregiver all too well. \u201cJust do the best you can. Trust your judgement and move forward. Don\u2019t regret what you have done or not done. You did the best you could in the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n

For Rodney, the grieving process began when Vera was diagnosed \u2013 and intensified after she passed. \u201cMy style of grieving was that I was caring for her when she was sick. We had a pact that we would stay strong no matter what. We did that as best as we could. But after she passed away, a lot of things changed. Talking does not prepare you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rodney recently remarried \u2013 a decision he knew Vera would approve. \u201cWe never had the \u2018moving on\u2019 conversation. We didn\u2019t feel the need to discuss it and kept our focus on the present. I know that if I\u2019d asked her, she\u2019d have told me \u2018You need companionship. Go and find the girl you will love and cherish for the rest of your life.\u2019\u201d That worked for them \u2013 but he recognizes different approaches work for different couples. \u201cI have a friend whose wife was giving him a to-do list of instructions about what to do when she was gone \u2013 and others saying that their spouse should grieve for a certain period of time. Each couple has to find what works for them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Learn more about volunteering as a cancer caregiver mentor.<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Rodney sees his work as a volunteer as a continuation of the love he and Vera shared.
\n\u201cVera would want me to do this. I know deep in my heart that she would want me to be a volunteer because she would do it herself. It\u2019s also part of my healing. Volunteering is an opportunity to honor her memory \u2013 to talk about her and tell people how brave and wonderful she was.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Rodney and Vera’s continent-crossing, cancer-fighting, care-filled love story. <\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":23,"featured_media":8729,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[80,211,101],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMeet Rodney: lung cancer caregiver<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Rodney and his wife Vera shared a continent-crossing, cancer-fighting love story. 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