{"id":14952,"date":"2022-08-22T14:33:58","date_gmt":"2022-08-22T14:33:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/?p=14952"},"modified":"2023-03-23T07:48:18","modified_gmt":"2023-03-23T07:48:18","slug":"parenting-with-cancer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting with Cancer: Real Talk from a Parent\u00a0","gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"text"}]},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Having cancer or caring for someone with cancer is extremely hard. Having to deal with that on top of parenting young children can be near impossible. One major issue many face, is how and when to explain their cancer diagnosis to their children. Support Volunteer Robbie had this to say on the topic:&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>When I was diagnosed with BC during 2005, our girls were 9 (4<sup>th<\/sup> grade) and 7 (first grade).\u202f<s> <\/s>My biggest concern was not worrying them.\u202fI took many a phone call in my bathroom with the water running where I was sure I would have privacy.\u202f I limited who I told before I told my kids and anyone I told about my diagnosis I included, \u2018When you see me with my girls around there will be absolutely no sad faces, tears or looks of concern.\u2019\u202f Basically, I let people know in no uncertain terms that if they scared our kids, I\u2019d never speak to them again. A well-meaning close friend sent me flowers after I told her of my diagnosis.\u202f<s> <\/s>I quickly hid the flowers in the attic so the kids wouldn\u2019t see them. &nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/3.png?resize=800%2C450&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-14955\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/3.png?resize=1024%2C576&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/3.png?resize=300%2C169&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/3.png?resize=768%2C432&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/3.png?resize=1536%2C864&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/3.png?w=1600&amp;ssl=1 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><em>After seeking advice on what to say to my girls, I settled on telling them only the truth and only what they could absorb.\u202f Some people suggested I not use the word \u201ccancer\u201d but in the end I decided I wanted them to hear the word from me, not hear or overhear it from someone else.\u202f Once I knew that I was having surgery and that it would be followed by chemo, I choose to tell the kids.\u202f I didn\u2019t have my husband there when I told them because I didn\u2019t want to give it too much weight.\u202f I remember it very clearly.\u202f The girls were sitting in the kitchen having a snack in the afternoon and I told them I found out I had breast cancer and that the doctor said I would be fine and that I would need an operation and then some medicine that was going to make me feel yucky and look funny for a while.\u202f My older daughter said, \u201cBut mommy, millions of women die each year from breast cancer.\u201d<s>.<\/s> My reply, \u201cNot me. I will be fine, that\u2019s why I\u2019m having the operation and the medicine\u201d.\u202f She replied, \u201cwell then, we will have to do those fundraiser walks when you are done!\u201d\u202f (Aside\u2026 when she was 16, we did the 39-mile Avon walk with friends).&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>That night, my younger daughter got out of the shower crying and said \u201cmommy, I wish this were just a bad dream.\u201d\u202f I reassured her that I would be ok and that she could ask me anything she wanted anytime.\u202f&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Once I let the girls know, I contacted their teachers to let them know (reiterating my \u201cno sad face rule\u201d) and asking them to please let me know if they saw any signs of distress or distraction at school.&nbsp;<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/1-1.png?resize=800%2C450&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-14956\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/1-1.png?resize=1024%2C576&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/1-1.png?resize=300%2C169&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/1-1.png?resize=768%2C432&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/1-1.png?resize=1536%2C864&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/1-1.png?w=1600&amp;ssl=1 1600w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>What worked for Robbie and her girls may be the perfect roadmap for your experience. Or it might not. Each situation, like each family and each diagnosis, has its own particulars and nuance. Which is where connecting with a Support Volunteer mentor who understands can be helpful. Our matches are always free and always confidential \u2013 and can be scheduled for a time that works best for you (even the kids are finally napping!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-heading\" id=\"h-to-be-matched-with-a-support-volunteer-like-robbie-or-another-mentor-who-s-had-a-similar-journey-parenting-with-cancer-visit-cancerhopenetwork-org-support\"><strong>To be matched with a Support Volunteer like Robbie or another mentor who\u2019s had a similar journey parenting with cancer visit <a href=\"\/support\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">cancerhopenetwork.org\/support&nbsp;<\/a><\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\">\n<figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><a href=\"https:\/\/triagecancer.org\/webinarreg-school\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/8.24-Unpacking-Cancer-from-the-Backpack-1.png?resize=310%2C310&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-14953\" width=\"310\" height=\"310\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/8.24-Unpacking-Cancer-from-the-Backpack-1.png?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/8.24-Unpacking-Cancer-from-the-Backpack-1.png?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/8.24-Unpacking-Cancer-from-the-Backpack-1.png?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/8.24-Unpacking-Cancer-from-the-Backpack-1.png?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/8.24-Unpacking-Cancer-from-the-Backpack-1.png?w=1080&amp;ssl=1 1080w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 310px) 100vw, 310px\" data-recalc-dims=\"1\" \/><\/a><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n<p>Have older kids returning to school? Another great resource is a free webinar from our friends at<em> <\/em>Triage Cancer<em> \u2013 Unpacking Cancer from the Back Pack: How to Help Kids and Teens Thrive at School When a Parent or Loved One has Cancer.<\/em>&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>August 24, 2022 |&nbsp;10am PT | 12pm CT | 1pm ET&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"has-text-align-left wp-block-heading\">Register for the webinar.\u00a0<\/h4>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Having cancer or caring for someone with cancer is extremely hard. Parenting young children while navigating cancer can be nearly impossible. <\/p>\n","protected":false,"gt_translate_keys":[{"key":"rendered","format":"html"}]},"author":23,"featured_media":14954,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[78],"tags":[],"post_folder":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v20.11 (Yoast SEO v21.8) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Parenting with Cancer: Real Talk from a Parent<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Having cancer or caring for someone with cancer is extremely hard. 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Parenting young children while navigating cancer can be nearly impossible.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Cancer Hope Network\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/CancerHopeNet\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2022-08-22T14:33:58+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2023-03-23T07:48:18+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/08\/2-1.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"900\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Brandon Pantano\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@CancerHopeNet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@CancerHopeNet\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Brandon Pantano\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Brandon Pantano\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/#\/schema\/person\/0b4a729980018733a63833ec14c219d4\"},\"headline\":\"Parenting with Cancer: Real Talk from a Parent\u00a0\",\"datePublished\":\"2022-08-22T14:33:58+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-03-23T07:48:18+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/\"},\"wordCount\":659,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/#organization\"},\"articleSection\":[\"Survivor and Caregiver Stories\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/blog\/parenting-with-cancer\/\",\"name\":\"Parenting with Cancer: Real Talk from a Parent\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/cancerhopenetwork.org\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2022-08-22T14:33:58+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2023-03-23T07:48:18+00:00\",\"description\":\"Having cancer or caring for someone with cancer is extremely hard. 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